The Next Steps

Last year I graduated with a BFA in painting.

That sentence is still weird for me, even in written form. See the thing is, when I was younger I always told myself that I could never be an artist. I always though, “Artists are weird, and they never make any money so I’m not going to do that.” Now look at me.

Honestly, I’m doing pretty good for post undergrad life. I have a new solo show that opens in about two week; my partner and I are going on a 4 day vacation to Portland (yes, I know its very hipsterish of me, but he tricked me into picking it); I work two jobs, one at an actual high quality art museum; and I got accepted into every where that I applied to for grad school. Compared to some of my peers, I’m doing alright for myself and, I know this sounds stupid, I’m starting to realize that maybe I can be an artist.

Now lets not get delusional, I do not even think that for one second I will be like the next Amy Sherald or anything, but it is nice to know that people actually do like what I’m making. I think I’ve posted about this before, but in high school my theater program was not the best. The teacher (Lets call her Ms. TB for privacy reasons) was a white feminist asshole who should have never gone into teaching. If you were one of her favorites then you were fine, but if you weren’t she would get the whole class to subtly turn against you. People you thought were your friends would take advantage of you, they’d give you backhanded compliments, she wouldn’t take action when you called people out on their bullshit, and not matter what she was always right. I was not her favorite. As a teenager, that shit really sticks with you. You start to question yourself and everything you do and you doubt that anyone is really in your corner. It’s a living nightmare.

Anyway that is not the point of what is becoming a long blog post. No, the point is that I’ve graduated, I have two jobs, I live at home and I was accepted into grad school. I’m still in the process of choosing where I would like to go, although I have narrowed it down, and come this fall I will be moving out of Texas to somewhere up North. I’m going to go on and get an MFA in painting and honestly I am still surprised that I have gotten to this point in my life. I am going to school to become an artist, granted I will be working in museums because that is a passion of mine that I will not give up. But still, growing up I never saw myself becoming an artist. It didn’t seem like the sensible thing for me to do. Now, it feels like the only things I should be doing.

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